Thanks to many powerful and wonderful women who came before me I can vote, hold any job I desire, and I am entitled to equal pay; however, I still have to wait for a man to be ready and smart enough to save money for a ridiculous diamond (that frankly I am terrified will fall the way of all of my jewelry past...I'm not exactly sure where it all lives but it is definitely not with me). I am stricken to a life in limbo constantly thinking...will today be the day? Completely random surprizes or ones with a deadline I can handle. I will know what is in that shiny, bright box under the tree by December 25th. But waiting for a marriage proposal is archaic, rediculous, and NO FUN!
As a child, I viewed marriage as a Cinderella fairy tale--all glass slippers, horse drawn carriages, and a really huge glittery dress! But now I realize what it truly is. It is an absolutely brilliant and beautiful union of two people who have decided that no matter what they want to stay by each others side; all of the grandiose party decoration are hardly important.
It just seems silly to have to wait until the man has decided. I guess I reserve the right to say "yes" or "no" but it hardly feels like a very proactive role in the whole thing. I would have no qualms about getting down on one knee myself if I didn't know that somehow it wouldn't be a story that my counterpart would feel very happy to tell. In our society, this has become the man's right...to be the one to initiate the proposal of marriage...yet their name remains unchanged by the whole deal. Shouldn't I get to be the one to say hey...I would like to take your name and slap a Mrs. in front of it...is that cool with you?
I will now step down from my soap box, curtsy, and practice being better at looking after my jewelry because who knows...maybe today will be the day...
I love your rant and will be praying that day comes soon!
ReplyDeleteMy first response is - go ahead and ask. I agree that the way that particular societal expectation has turned out is a little odd. I mean, why should it be the guy who asks? Why not the woman? Why not both at the same time? And what's with the knee thing? Don't get me wrong. I love to hear stories of the "surprise" (rarely a true surprise) and the romantic setting and the tearful acceptance. But that doesn't seem to have a very strong correspondence to the success of the union. Of most of my friends who married early (that is to say - your age) and went through the traditional proposal procedure... most are not together.
ReplyDeleteHeidi and I were together for a few years when (I don't know who said it first) one of us said, "Do you want to get married?"
(The Other one of us said something like) "Ummm, I don't know. How about you?"
(Other) "I asked first."
(Other) "Well, sure. If you do."
(Other) "Yes, I guess so."
(Other) "OK, let's get married."
(Other) "Sure. That would be great."
Then we broke up for a while. Then we got back together and eventually repeated the conversation. Then we DID get married. Super modest. No diamond. Now it's been 30 years - last August.
No lesson here, everyone is different. Love is the thing. Love and commitment. I wondered what you thought about all of this but never asked. Thanks for writing about it.
By the way, your boys are so incredibly handsome. I know you would love them no matter what they looked like. But what a bonus that they are such lookers.
Peace